Comparing yourself to other runners is human nature. If you can compare yourself to your competition in a way that motivates you, keep doing it. If you compare yourself in a way that is negative and fuels you with doubt and jealousy, reframe your thoughts. Sports psychologist Dr. Haley Perlus and mental performance coach Carrie Eichmann share tips on how.
(Reviewed by Dr. Haley Perlus) –– I often find myself reciting a quote from good ol’ Theodore Roosevelt to my athletes (and myself): “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Indeed, comparing yourself to other runners (and your past self) can be self-sabotaging in many ways.
Yet, it is so hard NOT to do as runners.
Running is a sport defined by easily comparable metrics. How fast did someone run? How far? How much in a week…month…year? Who came in first? Who didn’t? As social animals, we humans are meant to see how we stack up to each other.
And competition can be fun. It can push us to be better, to grow, to evolve.
But sometimes, it doesn’t.
Sometimes competition forces us to make bad choices. It sucks out the joy. It clouds the real reasons for running. It can even lead to injury or depression.
My Story of Comparing Myself to Other Runners
Then:
As a young adult, I didn’t struggle much with comparing myself to other runners until I started getting more competitive after having my second child. With my goals set on fast times and first places, I started to really care about what other people were running.
It made me feel very insecure and hardly ever proud of myself. I could have an epic run personally, then I would hop on Strava and see that so and so went farther and faster. And I felt like I…well, sucked.
During this time, I tore my hamstring which just made everything worse. I wasn’t running to the best of my ability because I was hurt. Yet, I continued to run and compare myself to other runners, and just get more and more down on myself.
Running stopped bringing me joy.
Related: Can Running Make You Happy?
Now:
Fast forward four years, and I am returning to running after several more injuries. My blinders are on, and I only care about my journey—not other people’s. This is a self-preservation tactic. If I start worrying about what others are running, then I will lose sight of my own personal wins and I may be tempted to run too far or too fast for what my body is ready for.
I am doing my best to not compare myself to other runners. I don’t look on social media or at their Strava runs. To me right now, ignorance is bliss.
Yet, the other day, I heard about another runner’s marathon time. She finally got the time she wanted, and it was a few seconds faster than mine. This was yet another runner who I had run with—who I was once faster than—who had surpassed me because while I’ve been injured, they were training…hard.
While I was happy for her, I felt jealous and down on myself. I hated how my blue eyes had turned green. I wanted to get these negative feelings out.
So, what did I do? Well, I talked with experts and am now writing about this. Why? Because I know comparing yourself to other runners is a pervasive problem in the running community. I have conversations with my athletes all the time about this.
And it’s not just to other runners, it’s comparing yourself to past self, too—which can be just as poisonous when you’re returning from a break due to injury, having a baby, illness, life, etc.
I chatted with mental performance coach (and a former athlete of mine) Carrie Eichmann and sports psychologist Dr. Haley Perlus about this topic. They both offer key insights into how to not let comparison steal your joy—and possibly even fuel you to be better.
Related: Can Running Help with Postpartum Depression?
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The Bad: Comparing Yourself to Other Runners
Research on Comparison & Competition
The world of social media has made falling into the comparison trap a threat to anyone. But it’s not all bad.
Let’s look at the research into comparing yourself to other runners:
Social media makes running contagious, a 2017 study in Nature Communications found. When we see other people exercising on social media, that motivates us to exercise, too. Not a bad thing. Unless, of course, it leads you to embrace unhealthy habits.
This is what research in Social Media & Society found. The study indicates that people who use social media to share their health-related data feel pressure to perform which can lead to compulsive tendencies. This means running against your better judgment to compete with others, promote a certain image, or get more positive feedback.
Running in a way that is detrimental to your health for the sake of likes and kudos can lead to injury, yes—and higher stress levels, according to a 2020 study in the Journal for Information Technology & People.
Related: Answers to Every Runner’s Question: Why Am I Doing This?
But, competition, when it’s healthy competition, can make us better.
Research published in Social Psychological and Personality Science found that people who raced against competitors they knew ran better than if they were racing against total strangers.
To corroborate this, people who worked out with people they thought were better than them worked our 200 percent harder and longer than if they didn’t, according to a 2012 study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine.
But how do you make competition healthy?
Related: Tackle Race Day Anxiety with these Pro Tips
Turn Comparison into Your Competitive Edge
Dr. Perlus gives us six tips on how to stop comparing yourself to other runners in a negative way—and reframe it as a positive.
“Instead of worrying about how we stack up against other runners,” said Dr. Perlus. “We need to focus on working with them, use that energy to get better.”
6 Tips to Stop Comparing Yourself to Other Runners (in a Negative Way)
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Practice Cooperative Competition.
Cooperative competition, or co-opetition, is a mutually beneficial arrangement in which both competitors cooperate to work towards the same goal—get ahead.
What does this look like? According to Dr. Perlus, you stop putting yourself down when comparing yourself to your competitors.
Instead, you thank your competitor for pushing you to make you better. Use their energy to create more energy inside you so you will do your best to beat them.
Instead of shying away from competition, you meet it head-on and use it to make you better.
Related: Should You Ditch Your Running Watch?
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Learn from your opponent.
If you feel jealousy when comparing yourself to other runners, be self-reflective. Why are you jealous? What do they have or what are they doing that you want?
If your competition is training in a way that is making them better, can you train in the same way? For instance, if other runners are lifting weights now and you haven’t—is that something you can try?
“Learn from your opponent and try to beat them at their own game,” says Dr. Perlus.
A big caveat here as an injured runner coming back—remember that you need to go at your pace and do what is best for you. You need to be careful about who you choose to compare yourself to and compete with (including your past self).
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Embrace competition.
If you are racing against your opponent, you want them to race at their best, says Dr. Perlus. You want a good, hard win, not an easy win. So, wish the best for your opponent, and embrace solid competition.
The fight will make you better, and the win will be that much sweeter if you were all racing in top shape—not sick or with an injury.
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Evaluate, not judge.
This tip from Dr. Perlus is really important, I think, for staying healthy and happy as a runner.
Running is an individual sport. We are all on our own running journeys—and so if comparing yourself to other runners or competitors, or even to your past self, is frustrating or damaging to you for where you’re at—set up your own evaluation markers.
I am just returning to running after 5 months off. It would be futile for me to compare myself to the runner I was before I got injured right now—or to those who I ran with before I got injured.
Instead, I can evaluate on my own metrics day to day, or week to week. Is my heart rate lowering on easy runs? Did I run more and walk less? Are my physical therapy exercises feeling easier? Is my mental game stronger?
To find true joy, you need to stop comparing yourself in a negative way, says Dr. Perlus. Stop judging. Stop saying “I was bad…great…slow…fast.”
“No judgment, just evaluation of your performance, to find wins and lessons,” she says.
5. Know the difference between envy and jealousy.
The difference is important, says Eichmann:
Envy is the painful feeling of wanting what someone else has, like attributes or possessions like “I wish I had Sarah’s kick.” Jealousy is when you feel threatened, protective, or fearful of losing one’s position or situation to someone else, like ‘Sarah’s kick is so much better than mine, she’s going to beat me the next time we race. I want her kick so I can stay ahead.
Envy is healthier than jealousy because it allows for greater appreciation of what you and others have, it can be used in conjunction with gratitude: “I wish I had Sarah’s kick. I’m grateful I can witness another runner’s strength because it’s inspiring my own performance.”
If you are jealous, Eichmann says to “strive to reframe comparative thoughts to something more neutral (especially if positive seems too unrealistic). Thoughts should be reframed to something believable, so starting with neutral is a good goal and then once neutral is maintained, can shift to positive.”
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- Ex:
- Initial thought: “Ugh, her splits are so much faster than mine”
- Neutral: “She runs fast, I wonder what her training looks like. AND I work hard everyday to hit my own running goals ”
- Positive: “Her speed is impressive! I’m proud of her for her abilities AND am grateful to be in a running community that has athletes like her and myself in it.”
- Ex:
6. Track Your Own Progress.
Eichmann suggests keeping a training log so you can see how far you have come. Remember to “be gentle if you compare to yourself from many years or races ago. Our bodies and training capacity change with time so hold realistic comparisons and expectations.”
I encourage my athletes to record “wins” or bright spots after their runs–even if it went terribly. I like them to reflect on what they did that made them proud along with the lessons learned. This can help you keep the focus on yourself instead of looking to others with rose-colored glasses on.
Stop Comparing Yourself & Run Happy: 6 Things to Remember
- No one cares about your running but you. Even if you blast your stats on social, no one really cares that much about your running. And that’s how it should be. It should matter to you—make YOU happy—no one else.
- It’s never apples to apples. No two run journeys are the same. There are so many variables in this sport—and our lives. For example, if other runners you are comparing yourself to are running more volume than you—they may have better-sleeping kids, better childcare, a treadmill, less work, or family demands. You just don’t know the whole story.
- You never see the complete picture. News flash: Instagram doesn’t tell you the whole story. The person you are comparing yourself to is likely showing you the highlight reel of their running. But you likely don’t know their mental, physical, or personal struggles. It could be easier—or harder—for them to train the way they do. Never assume.
- Run your own race. Whatever you do, don’t run more or faster than is best for you and your training just because someone else is. Again, remember, everybody and BODY is different. If you force your fitness to keep up with someone else, you’ll likely regret it.
- Pick your opponents wisely. This brings me to my next point, which I think is very important—if you are going to compare yourself to others to get better, choose someone who is just above your level. If you try to train or run like someone who is far better than you, you’ll likely end up overtrained, hurt, feeling defeated, or even depressed.
- Someone else’s accomplishments don’t take away from yours. Just because someone ran a fast race, doesn’t mean your time or accomplishment isn’t as special.
When you start to feel that way, that likely signals your reasons for running may be misplaced. Remember, it should be about YOU and what you think—not someone else.
It took four years of injuries for me to truly embrace running as a gift—for me—just for me. A gift I don’t want it to be tainted by negative emotions like jealousy or insecurity. Comparison and competition in this sport can make this gift more gratifying—but only when it’s used to make us better in body, mind, and soul.
Protect your gift!
If you want a custom plan to fit your running goals this year, including running happy and healthy, check out my run coaching services. Also, be sure to check out my free training plans:
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