What I Tell Myself to Kill My Mom Guilt for Running
It’s something only moms understand—the mom guilt we feel for taking time to run or exercise. It’s lurking around every corner, no matter what we do and when. In fact, mom guilt was one of the main motivators for me starting this website and my run coaching in the first place.
I felt so darn guilty for taking time away from my kids to run. One day I put the mom guilt aside and met other moms for an early morning run and opened up. It turned out I wasn’t the only one who felt mom guilt for running. They did, too!
In fact, most moms feel guilty for taking the time to run. However, over time we have managed to see how crazy it is to feel bad about something that is so good for us, and we know the right retorts.
Table of contents
- 1. Running today makes you a better mom today.
- 2. Running makes you a better mom tomorrow.
- 3. You are teaching them many positive lessons in life.
- 4. You are setting an example of how you want your kids to live their lives.
- 5. You aren’t allowing your kids to feel like a “burden.”
- 6. You are expanding their support network.
- 7. It can teach them the importance of friendship.
- 8. Your running is fostering empathy in your child.
- 9. It can teach your kid the importance of advocating for yourself and setting boundaries .
- 10. It can create independence.
- 11. Your running can model time management for your kids.
- 12. It teaches healthy stress management.
The other day I got an email from one of my athletes who said she was struggling hard with mom guilt. As if she wasn’t struggling enough, fellow moms made her feel worse. They told her they wish they had the time to run like she does. And, also said they couldn’t leave their kids for that long.
It hurt her and bothered me. I shared with her my reasons why she shouldn’t feel guilty. And now, I want to share them with you. I feel certain if you read these reframes and let them marinate, you will stop being overtaken by that nasty feeling.
1. Running today makes you a better mom today.
Research shows that running makes us more patient, less stressed, and more joyful among a plethora of other benefits. Talk to any mom and they will tell you that when they come home from a run, they feel calmer and are ready to be with their kids. Think about the type of mom you’d be if you didn’t run. Miserable, most likely. And no one wants a miserable mom.
2. Running makes you a better mom tomorrow.
Exercise is the ONE thing we can do to combat the 33 most deadly diseases that kill Americans like heart disease, brain disease, and diabetes. It keeps us able and strong so we can be an active participant in our kids’ lives, and their kids’ and maybe even their kids. Aging is not a disease. People become frail because they stop moving.
3. You are teaching them many positive lessons in life.
These will serve then well in the future such as:
- How to work hard
- Stay committed
- Set goals, and chase them
- Do hard things
- Persevere
- Do things even when you don’t want to (in service of the goal)
- Overcome hardships
- Have self-belief
- Have patience
- Healthy living habits
- Community
- Being a good friend
- Healthy relationship with food
- Empowerment and learning that I can do anything I put my mind to!
- Stress resistance, and
- Frustration tolerance (to name a few).
4. You are setting an example of how you want your kids to live their lives.
You are showing them what it’s like to go after goals they want to chase, to be brave, to take care of themselves. I would never want my kids to put something they want to do aside because they were “serving” me all day. I would want them to do something they love and find a community to do it with. So model that for them!
5. You aren’t allowing your kids to feel like a “burden.”
How awful would it make your kids feel if they heard you say that you gave up something you loved or never tried something they wanted to because of YOU? If they don’t see you pursuing something you enjoy they may think mom doesn’t enjoy life, being a mom, or have any fun—because of ME. I certainly wouldn’t ever want my daughter to stop doing something she loves or taking care of herself once she became a mom.
6. You are expanding their support network.
Knowing that there are other people that can love and care for your kids can embolden their security and widen their safety net. What’s more—if it is your partner that is watching your kids while you run, then that strengthens their relationship, too, which is so important! Chances are you spend more time with your kids than they do, so this gives your kids and your partner time to bond and have quality time together. Don’t feel guilty about THAT!
7. It can teach them the importance of friendship.
If you are able to meet friends and run (amazing!), that can model for your kids what it is like to have friends, make time for friends, and support them in their goals and races. If you are cheering a friend on for a race, try to bring your kids so they can see the importance of showing up for someone you care about.
8. Your running is fostering empathy in your child.
I think it is important for our kids to realize that we are a whole person with dreams, wants, goals, and interests outside of being a mom. I believe this can help foster empathy, so they don’t see you as only as someone who does something for them or that everything is ABOUT them—but that others have needs, too.
9. It can teach your kid the importance of advocating for yourself and setting boundaries.
I don’t know about you but making time to run, especially when your kids are young, is hard fought. It can take drawing a line in the sand that says—I am running at this time and it is nonnegotiable. Speaking up for what is important to you is a really important life skill and save you from being a rug someone steps on.
10. It can create independence.
This is something Shanna, my co-host of the Miles with Moms podcast, talked about in our mom hacks episode: when you are running, your kids may be forced to do things for themselves like make a sandwich, for example. Your being out of pocket for a time can foster that independence that Yes! They can do things all by themselves! Being independent and confidence is so very important for a human’s self-worth!
11. Your running can model time management for your kids.
Your kids may notice, or you may be able to talk to them about it, how you make the time to do something important for you—something to take care of yourself. As your kids get older, they will have more responsibilities. They can look to you to see how you manage to fit in time for something you love despite a laundry list of to-dos—including laundry!
12. It teaches healthy stress management.
How many times do you go out for a run stressed, only to return feeling calmer and better. Instead of managing stress in unhealthy ways (habits that are so easy to form like eating junk food, drinking or scrolling), you are teaching your kids healthy ways to release triggering emotions or work through difficult situations.
You’ve probably noticed that these reasons don’t include the givens like lessons in self-care or a list of all the physical and mental health benefits – because, no duh. We know this but they may not be powerful enough to kill that mom guilt. But all these reasons directly impact our kids in a positive way. Thus, making them a strong antidote to mom guilt. If I feel guilty—or someone makes me feel guilty—I turn to these—and that mom guilt withers away.
Talking to your kids about your running including the how and why, and folding them in if you can (and they want), can really emphasize these impacts.
I would love to hear what helps you battle mom guilt for running.
